


Family Road Trip

by disquieted, Nightingale_Rising



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alt title: please help JJ, Drug dealer! Viktor, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Family Roadtrip, One big happy drug smuggling family : D, Runaway!Yuri, Virgin!JJ, its a important plot point i swear, stripper! yuuri
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-05
Updated: 2018-03-05
Packaged: 2019-03-27 08:33:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13877142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/disquieted/pseuds/disquieted, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nightingale_Rising/pseuds/Nightingale_Rising
Summary: Small-time pot dealer Viktor Nikiforov learns the hard way that no good deed goes unpunished; trying to help some teens, he is jumped by thugs and loses his cash and stash. Now, Viktor's in big debt to his supplier and -- to wipe the slate clean -- he must go to Mexico to pick up the guy's latest shipment. To accomplish his mission, Viktor devises a foolproof plan: He packs a fake family into a huge RV and heads south of the border for a wild weekend that's sure to end with a bang.Or the We're the Miller's AU no one asked for but is getting anyways.





	Family Road Trip

               Viktor had never really planned on becoming a drug dealer. It had started with a few deals in college to help make ends meet. Then his life plans never did pan out. He had a few dream jobs as a kid (including a short lived dream of professional figure skater). but he had in the end followed his passion for languages. He got his degree but the job market was hard. Finding people who wanted weed wasn’t quite so hard. So here he was in a shit hole apartment with creaky floors and, what he was pretty sure a family of raccoons living in the walls. (and if you asked his next door neighbor, an elderly woman who looked like she had seen far too much, haunted.

 His life now consisted mostly of carrying a backpack of weed around town and casual deals across coffee tables or in living rooms.

               Not ideal but, it paid the bills and gave him enough to hopefully get a nicer place sometime soon. Turns out drug dealing doesn’t pay as well as one would hope. But he had flexibility to stay out as long as he wanted, go where he wanted and do what he wanted. As long as he kept up sales and passing it on to his supplier things worked perfectly. That and making sure he got the money from everyone he sold too. He could look imposing if he wanted too. He was tall, broad shouldered and according to most people he talked to had cold eyes. No one had to know that he did in fact have the will to break their knee caps with a wrench. He didn’t even have to threaten to, the kind of people he dealt to responded to references that he could hurt them if he needed to.

               Today was a slower day for him, his only real goal was to get the money from one of his neighbors before going back to his dealer for the next weeks’ supply.  Chihoko was a regular customer, so when he asked to pay later Viktor had allowed it. He had done so before and had always got his money in time.

Only this time he hadn’t seen the bastard in days. Leaving him to linger around the lobby waiting for Chihoko’s boyfriend to get back.  

Yuuri entered the lobby at 2:38am, slightly earlier than normal, looking like he had rushed to leave. His black hair had once been slicked back and now stood out at odd angles as if he had just run his hands through the gelled hair rather than try and actually wash it out. Make up had been hastily removed and left large dark smudges around his eyes. He was even missing the bag he normally took to work with him leaving him to carry a pair of high heels in his hand.

 Viktor wasn’t the only one with an unconventional job. Yuuri happened to strip at the club down town.  Something one would never guess seeing Yuuri on a normally day, with his oversized sweaters, glasses, and fluffy hair.

For reasons Viktor couldn’t fathom Yuuri seemed to hate him. It’s not like Viktor was the one who never called him after the buildings Christmas party.

               “How was work?” Viktor said cheerfully. Yuuri ignored him and headed to the mail boxes jabbing his key into the lock with far more force then was really necessary. “Is your boyfriend around?”

               “Why?”

               “Well, Chihoko still owes me $400.”

               “Guess that’s what happens when you loan drugs to people.” Yuuri snapped. Viktor had a little too much fun pushing Yuuri’s buttons but, it was worth it to see the spark in those brown eyes. It was a nice reminder of the day they met. That or maybe he just had a kink for people insulting him.

               That was something he might need to revisit later.

               “I’m just a nice neighbor like that.” Viktor said getting his own mail. “I thought you could be a nice neighbor and help him out.”

               Yuuri slammed his mail box shut. “You’re not my neighbor, you’re a drug dealer.”

               “It could be worse. I could be mafia.”

               Yuuri rolled his eyes and started up the stairs. Viktor was going to have to find Chihoko later for the money. He had been banking on Yuuri giving him the cash. Chihoko might be one of his biggest buyers but, Viktor hated his guts for 100% reasonable non jealously related reasons. If asked he could not tell you those reasons but rest assured, they are very real ones. He may need some time to think of them but he had them.

Viktor flipped through his mail trying to think of his next move when he spotted a large red stamp on one of his letters. Well, a letter that had made it into his mailbox by mistake.

               “Yuuri.” He called. “I got some of your mail.”

               Yuuri sighed deeply and turned back. Viktor held out the envelope tapping the bright red “Past Due” stamp on the envelope.

               “I’d offer to help but, we’re not neighbors.”

               He didn’t need to speak Japanese to know Yuuri was cursing him out under his breath as he ripped the bill out of Viktor’s hand and started to stomp up the stairs.  
               “Don’t worry I’m sure you can dig enough singles out of your crotch to make the payment.” He called after Yuuri. Okay, so maybe insulting Yuuri was a weird way to build their relationship but they had managed to go from Yuuri stuttering and unable to form a sentence around him to sassing him back, so progress?

               “My crotch only takes $20’s, Viktor.” Yuuri snapped storming up the stairs.

               Maybe it was stupid to smile but Viktor still enjoyed any conversation he had with Yuuri. (He really did need to reflect on this apparent humiliation kink.)

               “Still fighting with Yuuri?”

               The door of one of the ground floor apartments had opened and JJ had stuck his head out of it. The combination of JJ’s baby face and bright smile made him look even younger than he was. He was a sweet kid, a little dense but he did make up for it in sheer self-confidence and cheery aditude. (To be totally honest Viktor sometimes thought JJ survived the cold without a jacket just on his sunny disposition, he was just that chipper. )

               “Flirting.” Viktor corrected. “He’ll come around.”

               “I don’t know if being mean to him is the best way to do that.” JJ said dryly. “Anyways I’m glad your home I wanted to ask you something uh…”

               “I don’t sell to kids Jean.” Viktor had told him this at least half a dozen times but you couldn’t knock the kid for sheer determination.

               “I just turned 19. I’m not a kid.” Shit, really? Viktor had been sure he was sixteen or something.

               “Where is your mom?” Viktor asked. He knew the answer and still asked in hopes of changing the subject.

               “She's uh… still out with her friends.”

               The fact she had been out with friends for the last three days was left unsaid. Sometime Viktor thought about taking JJ under his wing but, he never really thought a drug dealer was really the best role model for a kid. That, and he wasn’t even sure he could do much better than his mom. He had no idea how to deal with kids. He did what he could, made sure JJ had food and didn’t burn down the apartment building. (They had only gotten close once in a failed attempt at making fried Twinkies.)

               He patted JJ on the shoulder and started up to his own apartment. It was late and he wanted to get some sleep before he had to meet up with his Supplier. He stopped halfway up the stairs when he heard JJ shouting.

               “Hey leave him alone!”

               Viktor turned to see JJ sprinting out the front door. That could not possibly end well for anyone. The kid had a white knight complex and Viktor really didn’t want to see his ass get royally handed to him.

He followed at a slower place watching JJ step in between a group of three thugs who appeared to be mugging the blond runaway Viktor had seen hanging around the apartment every so often. It was hard to forget, that tends to happen when you wear more garish animal print then a middle age divorced woman on the prowl for some boy toy.

               “Hey, let’s all calm down.” Viktor said when he reached the group. Carefully getting in between JJ and the beefy boy twice JJ’s size. One Point to JJ for determination and negative two for thinking he could take on someone who very clearly could bench press him.

               “They’re trying to take my fucking phone.” The runaway kid shouted.

               “Your phone? Aren’t you homeless?” Viktor asked.

               “Fuck you.”

               “They’re picking on him!” JJ added.

               “I don’t need your fucking help.” Runaway yelled.

               “In that case, it’s been fun.” Viktor said grabbing JJ’s arm and starting to pull them back to their apartment. If the kid didn’t want help, Viktor was not going to get into a fist fight to help. “Why don’t you all move alone and leave the kid alone?”

               “What are you?” Said the apparent Leader. He was a full head shorter then Viktor but made up for it in sheer volume of muscle. Did all of the kids these days just chug muscle milk? “A fuckin’ cop?”

               JJ laughed. “Him? A cop? He’s a drug dealer.”

               Had it been any other time Viktor would have face palmed. Good going kid. There was no way this would end well. All he could hope was to run some damage control. He was out numbed but it was a few idiotic teenagers.

               Who…had knives it appears.

               Fuck.

*~*~*

               Viktor it turned out was not good at all at damage control. Not only did they get his backpack with the money he had made that day they had taken him at knife point back to his apartment and gotten his entire stash as well as into his safe getting all of his own money. This is what he gets for not using a bank…and keeping his safe in the same ottoman he kept his weed in.

               They cleared him out and left him with almost no money, no weed, and his supplier calling him to ask where he was.

               “You can’t just explain you got robbed?” JJ asked when Viktor finally tossed his phone across the room in frustration. He was due to meet up with Brad an hour ago at this point. “Or maybe sell a few things to make up the money? They only took the cash.”

               “I owe him $30,000, Jean.” Viktor sighed. “I don’t have anything worth that much. I’m lucky they didn’t take my wallet too. Thank god I already paid rent for the month. I don’t need to be dealing with that too.”

               “He could take a larger cut from you until you pay it off maybe?”

               “I’m going to get something to drink.” Viktor said.  Who cares it was eight in the morning? It was five o’clock somewhere. The $35.78 he had in his wallet wasn’t going to save his ass he might as well get a drink to drown his sorrows before he had to deal with this. 

               He barely had gotten half way to the liquor store when a bag was thrown over his head and a taser jabbed into his side.

               “When Mr. Gurdlinger calls you, call him back.” Someone growled at him.

               Wasn’t today just a joy.

               He wasn’t really sure what the purpose of the bag was. Dramatic effect? He knew just where Brad’s office was it’s not like it was a surprise. If Brad really wanted to be dramatic he could at least bother to get a bag that didn’t scratch Viktor’s face so much. Or smell like mold.

               He was roughly tugged up the stairs by two of Brad’s enforcers and shoved directly into the front desk.

               “Hello, how can I help you?” Sounded like this wasn’t the first time someone had been dragged into the office like this.

               “I believe you ordered two buff guys.” Viktor said. The man on his left jabbed him harshly in the side. Good to see no one has a sense of humor today. “Apparently I’m here to see Mr. Gurdlinger.”                       “Name?”

               “Nicki Minaj.” He got another sharp twist of his arm, he felt his shoulder click and pain shoot down his arm. It didn’t feel dislocated but he didn’t feel like tempting fate. “Viktor Nikiforov.”

               “I’ll tell him you’re here.” She said. “Is there anything I can get you while you wait? Tea? Coffee?”

               “You know I could go for a nice tea, maybe those lovely little finger sandwiches too. Anything for you guys?”

               He got a grunt in reply but hey, at least this time no one twisted his arm.

               He didn’t have to wait long before he was once again dragged away his complaints that he had two fully function legs going unheard. He was all but tossed into Brad’s office. They didn’t even remove the bag for him. He fell to the ground hard just able to catch himself to stop any serious harm from happening.

               “Viktor! How are you?” Brad spoke as if they were two friends meeting up for coffee. Not someone who had just kidnapped him and still had two tugs standing by the door to his office.

               “Oh you know got robbed, got kidnapped, a normal Thursday night” Viktor said the moment he had ripped the bag off his head. He had a few snarky remarks ready that never left his mouth when he caught sight of the large plastic tarps covering the floor. Almost all of the office was covered, including the couch in the side of the room. There was an open tool box on the edge of the tarp and _was that a saw_.

               Viktor really wished he had gone to Church with his mother a little more.

               Maybe hell wouldn’t be so bad.

               He grew up in Russia all of the heat from the hellfire could be a nice change from what he was used to.

               “Listen Brad I swear I will work double time for you but I was robbed, they got everything. My supplies, your money, and even my saving to move out of my shit hole apartment. Please don’t kill me.”

               “Kill you? What makes you think I’m going to kill you?”

               “I don’t know.” Viktor’s voice was a lot higher than he was proud of  but he would like to not die today. He hadn’t even seen The Death Cure yet. “The bag over my head, the thugs who dragged me in here or maybe it’s just the fact this place looks like something out of Dexter!”

               Brad looked around the room as if he had seen it for the first time. “Oh! All the plastic. I’m just putting in a new skylight you need to relax. Come on sit. I’m not going to kill you.”

               Brad sat behind his large desk and waved to the seat across from him. Almost as if it was an afterthought Bard added. “Although, I have killed people.”

               “I know.”

               “Come on Viktor sit, we have some business to talk about.”

               “I was robbed I-“

               “Sit.”

               Viktor finally moved to the chair sitting stiffly at the very edge of it. He didn’t think he could make it out if he need to run but he damn sure was going to be ready to try.

               “You’re my favorite did you know what?” Brad said. “You always make drops on time, you don’t complain. But we’re not kids anyone. This is the big league, and you owe me $30,000.”

               Viktor didn’t say anything; he didn’t really have anything left to say at this point it was time to take whatever was about to be thrown at him.

               “However it just happens to be your lucky day. My normal courier is…. indisposed. On account of being shot. This leaves me in the need of someone to move a smidge of weed in from Mexico this weekend.”

               “A smidge?” There was no way he’d be going to Mexico for a smidge of weed.

               “Maybe more a smidge and a half. Two smidges at the most. Not more than 2.8 smidges” He waved his hand dismissively. “The point is you move my good and not only do I forgive your debt but, I will pay you the stranded courier fee of $100,000”

               There had to be a catch. Now way he was getting out of it this easy. International drug smuggling or not. He had been on the low end of this all for so long. But this? This was a big crime, and there was something Brad was not telling him.

               “I sense your hesitation. It’s an easy job all you have to is walk in and say you’re there to pick up for Pablo Chacón. They’ll pack you up and send you back to America and you’ll be back here selling to college kids and people going through a midlife crisis in no time.”

               “Who is Pablo?” Viktor could not be actually considering it and here he was getting more details.  
               “I am! Yo soy Pablo.” He said in what had to be the worst Mexican accent Viktor had ever heard. “Brad sounds to white I wanted to build some trust.”

               This…this was too much. He had never been on the right side of the law. That didn’t change the fact there was a very big difference between weed and that one time he used a handicap spot and international drug smuggling. Not to mention what happed to his last courier. If he was going to die either way, it be nice it be nice to have it done by someone who would do it quickly.

               Hopefully quickly. He wasn’t really sure how it would go down he had not been on Bard’s bad side before.

               Maybe he could just convince Brad he was not a fit for a smuggler and just take a smaller cut until his debt was paid off. He could get a real job on the side too. Anything.

               “You think I look like an international drug smuggler? A Russian man crossing the border? I’ll be locked up in no time. It’s what? 25 years in a Mexican Prison? Have you seen my face? No.”

               Brad smiled brightly and for one tiny moment Viktor had hope that he had convinced him.

               “You’re forgetting one thing.” There was a soft click of gun being cocked by his head and Viktor felt his blood run cold. “You don’t have a fucking choice.”

 

 

 

 

              

 

**Author's Note:**

> I have the next few chapters as rough drafts and should be up soon. I want to try and have the next one out before I leave for New York this weekend.  
> If you enjoyed please like comment and subscribe~~  
> Not Betaed


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